Content
One way is to seek forgiveness by making what might be called living amends, by using whatever gifts you may have in order to help rehabilitate the world. I think if we can move beyond the anxiety and dread and despair, there is a promise of something shifting not just culturally, but spiritually, too. Collective grief can bring extraordinary change, a kind of conversion of the spirit, and with it a great opportunity.
- If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor.
- Or, rather, there are certain regrets that, as they emerge, can accompany us on the incremental bettering of our lives.
- So that even when someone has overcome their addiction, they stay within the fellowship and help others overcome their addiction, and this also keeps them from relapsing.
- In addition to apologizing and asking for their forgiveness regarding the incident in question, you might offer to repay them in full for the money you stole.
- When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles.
- For example, if you neglected or mistreated your children while you were using alcohol, a simple apology may not repair the damage.
In some cases, it may be impossible to make direct amends because you can’t locate someone or they have passed away. An indirect, symbolic amend could be a great way to honor that individual. Consider donating to a charity that the person was passionate about or set time aside to reflect and pray for that someone who is no longer living. Anyone who says they don’t have any regrets is simply living an unconsidered life.
Scholarships
Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy https://ecosoberhouse.com/ the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work. Thankfully we are given some insight in to how to make amends through steps 8 and 9. But amends are so much more than just making a list and saying you are sorry, and this is where it becomes important to understand the difference between making an amends and making an apology.
- She came home to what she described as “a completely different house”.
- In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good.
- But I know they will know, we had settled everything made our amends to each other and enjoyed the rest of their lives.
Our goal is to establish a relationship with high accountability and supportive sober living homes, allowing us to invest in a client’s success. We asked for weekly progress reports and are ready to intervene if we see a problem. At Living Amends, we understand lack of finances is the main reason most clients do not follow through with a sober living environment. By this time, insurance has run out, and families are exhausted.
Join the WYG Online Grief Community
To learn whether you’re an ideal candidate for our scholarship, please apply using our application form or contact our team for further application questions. Living Amends understands the system is not perfect, and more clients will relapse than stay sober after residential treatment. Still, we want to support those who beat the odds and are serious about their sobriety.
Spero Recovery Center is a peer-based residential recovery program. It is not a substitute for clinical treatment or individualized therapeutic services. Sometimes we may feel emotionally unsafe in making 12-Step amends. If this is the case, seek the advice of a qualified treatment professional or licensed therapist. Family matters may be best addressed in a proper therapeutic setting when possible.
Support for Me and My Family
Direct amends involves meeting the individual in person to correct your wrongdoings. Your goal is to show you reflected on your mistakes, are truly sorry for the pain caused, and are ready to translate words into actions. Avoid general statements like, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done.” Be specific with your apology and include concrete plans to restore the relationship. The other person will better appreciate your sincerity, feel more understood, and thus be more receptive to the apology. After you’ve taken these initial steps, know that making direct amends doesn’t have to be an excruciating process. As a person works the steps of recovery, they begin to discover—or perhaps remind themselves—who they want to be.
“Living amends” is about making daily changes, walking the walk, and showing a true commitment to everyone around. True changes show that the person is serious and is working little by little to shift towards a positive space with all involved. It is worth it to cross the bridge on the journey of healing towards making amends. It does not mean it will all go smoothly but at least being sincere and honest will go a long way towards reconciling those important family relationships. Every person travels it differently, with unique experiences and opportunities. When a loved one is in recovery, they are working on their mind, body, and spiritual connection to themselves and others.
What Are Living Amends? And How Do You Make Them?
Living amends look different for everyone, depending on the specific negative behavior patterns you have identified while working the 12 Steps. Determining the most impactful living amends will require a great deal of honesty. A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention. Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. Address harm caused or intended and take full responsibility for negative behavior.
As with all the steps I have found for me, that as time moves on they reveal more and more to me. I have found that there is so much spiritual depth to them. The more I practiced this step the more I found out how much healing comes from it and not just for me. If the act of making amends will open old wounds or create new harm, then making direct amends should be avoided.
Willingness and determination to clear away the havoc of our past lives pave the way for our new lives. When we make 12-Step amends, we must keep in mind not only what is correct, helpful, and living amends kind but also what is practical and reasonable. Financial 12-Step amends, for instance, aren’t always appropriate to offer, especially if you do not yet have money to pay the individual back.
